How to Finish Any Project (2/2)
If you didn’t catch part 1 of this blog, read it here.
Go Down Swinging.
I used to have these dreams. Dreams where I was being followed by demons. They were recurring and lucid and I hated them.
They would start out with me looking at people in the grocery store or somewhere in public and they would stare back at me. Even in the dream, I knew what was going to happen, and it always did. Their faces would change into hideous ghouls with fangs and black eyes, and they would follow me while I ran away, screaming in the dream, and probably in my sleep. I would wake up, my heart racing, covered in sweat, and unable to get back to sleep. And not wanting to for fear that the dream would start again as they often did.
It wasn’t fun. I don’t wish dreams like that on anyone. But over time something began to happen to me. I started getting pissed off. What was I running from? If they’re so powerful and so evil that I have no chance, fuck it, let’s throw down. Let’s go down swinging. If I’m going to get dragged to Hell, I’m not going to go pleasantly or forgiving, I’m going to look like a Tasmanian devil, with fists, and feet, and teeth. So one evening, whilst in the midst of running from said demons, I grew tired, tired of running, tired of being scared, so I stopped running. I stopped on a dime, and turned around with my fists clenched and screamed, “Come on!”.
I never had that dream again.
These thoughts you have, these fears, they aren’t real, any more than the demons in my dreams. They are figments of our imagination. They are put there to protect us from failure. From humiliation.
To most people, either one of or both of those things, fear and humiliation, are worse than death. But all they’re really doing is making our life a living hell, while what we could be slides quickly down to the abyss, dragged by imaginary demons without us even giving up a fight.
Let’s figure out why, and what we’re going to do about it.
Mental Obstacles (continued)
Let’s pick up where we left off from our last blog post.
1. It’s too big?
Hell, yes, it’s too big! It’s way to friggin’ big! But it’s only big in the context of what you can accomplish in a day. In an hour. Or in minutes. Take a 65,000-word novel. People can’t even wrap their heads around writing that many words. But quite honestly that’s about the minimum word count for a work to be considered an actual novel. If you wrote a thousand words a day, you would be finished in sixty-five days. That’s not so bad is it? To have a completed novel in sixty-five days? To be an author? A writer of novels? A thousand words you say? That too many? Okay, let’s say you wrote five hundred words a day… 130 days for a novel. Not too bad either. I think you would find it fairly easy to write five hundred words a day. If that’s too hard, how about 250 words? 100? 50? 10? Either way you cut it; it will get finished. You will eventually have a finished novel.
And let me tell you something, everything in life is this way. You want to lose weight? Eat five hundred calories less per day every day and watch what happens. Wow, Matty, that sounds like a lot! I can’t eat five hundred less calories a day!
Plain bagel with cream cheese = 500 calories. 4 slices of bacon = 500 calories. 4.5 ounces of cheese = 500 calories. Ranch dressing has 80 calories per tablespoon. Blueberry muffin = 500 or more calories.
All you have to do is cut one of those things out, and that’s five hundred calories per day. In a thirty-day month, that’s 15,000 calories. In a year, that’s 180,000 calories you didn’t eat.
The point here is, it’s a little over time adds up to a lot. Don’t look at the size. You eat an elephant one bite at a time. The journey of ten thousand miles begins with one step. All that shit.
My challenge to you is this: start any one thing you’ve been wanting to do for one week. If it’s writing, just five minutes a day. Five minutes! If it’s exercise, just set a five-minute timer. If it’s reading, learning, playing an instrument, I don’t care, start for five measly minutes out of a 1440-minute day, for seven days. If that’s too much, make it five days a week.
2. So, you’re stuck in the Better Idea Cycle?
You’ve been doing the work. You’ve been racking up word counts, eating less, exercising more, shit, just five minutes a day is easy, and in truth, it’s so easy, you’re probably doing more than five minutes.
That book, that screenplay, that routine is baring some fruit, but when I read what I wrote, when I look at the big picture, it’s not quite what I’d imagined. It’s going to take longer than I thought.
Besides, doing this stuff is opening doors in me that I didn’t know were there. If I just do the work, I can accomplish anything, and if that’s the case, why am I doing this? It’s not really all that fun anymore, and since I’ve been writing, another idea came to me that’s even better.
I didn’t really have this one all figured out anyhow. I’ve hit a rough patch and the writing isn’t as easy. Or I’m not losing weight like I was earlier. Or it’s harder and harder to make time. If I just did this other project, this other diet, this other thing… I would make more progress.
And when I think about it, I get more energized than when I started this. It must be a sign. It must be what I was meant to do. So, you stop what you’re doing. You lost momentum a week, a month, months ago, anyhow. This feels so good, this starting again. Starting fresh. I want it all now!
And so, the better idea cycle continues on and on and you never reach your goal. The problem here folks, is that we think this should be easy, that it’s enough to have passion, to have that feeling that drives us to the finish line. I hate to be the barer of bad news… feelings never get us to the finish line. That excitement that faded, that was just some gas on the fire, but you have to keep blowing, you have to get more wood, and keep stoking it, and it’s fucked because it’s raining, and it’s windy and cold and the fucking wood is wet and you’re out of goddamned matches. Guess what? Fuck the fire. You didn’t need it anyhow. It was just another distraction from what you should have really been doing which was finishing by starting every damn day. Inching towards that goal.
That better idea that came along isn’t going to get finished either. Nor is the one after it. Or that one after that one. You see, the problem isn’t the idea. It’s you. It’s that you want this to be easy. That you want the magic pill. There is no pill. There’s no easy way. It’s all just bullshit suffering. Of doing things you don’t want to friggin’ do, but need to.. You’re the one who has to change, not your new ‘more bitchin’ idea.
Who you become by finishing what you start, is more important than the thing you finish.
3. You suck?
Most assuredly you do. You don’t only suck, you’re terrible, you’re awful, and inept. Why on earth wouldn’t you be? What? Did you think you could just pick up a guitar and play? Write an amazing novel without writing ten shitty ones before it (I’m on novel 5…)? What do you do for a living? Have you ever met anyone who just came along and could do what you do without someone teaching them or learning it by doing it over time? You’re probably, hopefully, good at your job because you’ve just been doing it for a long time without really trying. I don’t care if you’re a checker at a grocery store, you’d kick my ass at grocery checking with your eyes shut.
So why the fuck do we think we need to be instantly good at the thing that sparks our interest, or that we want to be good at, to the point of letting the fear of sucking keep you from even trying? Where the fuck does that come from? We could get into all the psychological reasons: you didn’t get hugged enough, you got hugged too much… who gives a shit? I’m here to tell you that you do suck. I suck! We all suck! Some things will come more naturally to some people. Some people are just freaks. I’m sorry, we’re not them! Boohoo!
We have to work our asses off! Every day I’m trying to get better. Every day, I think I do. I know the secret formula: I suck, therefore I work. Or: Suck + Work = No Longer Sucking. It’s a grind, people, but hopefully a fun grind. I’m still having to go back to my first books and make changes because I don’t suck as bad as I did when I wrote them. Now, I KNOW I sucked when I first wrote them, and I’m pretty sure I still suck! I’m no Stephen King, Robert Towne, William Goldman, who fucking ever! I’m me, and I suck. I realize that. But I don’t cry about it, I work every day at not sucking, and every day I suck less and less. Gentle reader, you suck. Embrace it. Start today by doing a little work so that you suck less tomorrow.
4. You don’t have the time?
Oh boy do I hate this. I hate this so much I want to claw my eyes out. If you really are this person who doesn’t have time, maybe a single mom, working three jobs who has to wake at four, get the kids lunches made, get a workout in, drop the kids off at school, go to work all day, pick the kids up, help them with their homework, put them to bed, and study until midnight for your masters… you’re not reading this anyhow.
No, you, the person reading this actually has time. I guarantee it. Let’s say there’s twenty-four hours in a day. Which there are. Let’s say you sleep eight of them. Which you don’t. That leaves us with sixteen hours. You go to work for let’s say eight, but nine with an hour lunch. That leaves seven hours… Hmm… Okay, there’s chores to do, you have to make dinner, that’s an hour, so now down to six hours left, and you eat dinner and do the dishes, I’ll give you another hour, that’s still five hours left… spend time with the kids, etc… even two hours there, maybe… there’s still three left… you do need to relax, I’ll give you an hour in front of the telly… so there’s still two… get that workout in? Write something? Learn something? Maybe you do one of those for an hour, and there’s still an hour left… maybe, just maybe, you can start that thing for five minutes today? Just five minutes of that one free hour that’s yours to do whatever you want?
Look, I get it, there’s shit to do and bills to pay, mouths to feed, but if you break down your day, write it down even, how you spent your time, I think you will find gaps, big giant gaping hole gaps, actually. My advice, break your day down, not in reverse, not all the shit you think you have to do, but with the shit you need to do, which is start on that thing you need to finish. Build every fucking other thing around that. Make it your time. Protect it like a child. Spend time with it. Love it. Encourage it. Savagely fight all thieves vying for this treasured child of time. Someday the attacks will stop. They will leave you to your time, because you wore them out. It will become a habit this time of yours. A part of your routine. Let me warn you, when it does, you’re never going back. It’s like the mob, you can’t get out. Watch how things get finished.
5. Still researching?
Oh, blessed research, how do I love thee? I can look at you for days, weeks, months on end. I can get all my ducks in a row and then have more research topple them. I can see what everyone else is doing. Find out what happened to other people who took this same path. What do detectives wear? What is the average temperature in Helsinki? How many shades of blue are there? Research is good. It’s important. You might need to do a lot… or some… or none.
But whatever you do, you need to start. You know? Ready! Fire! Aim! You ever hear of that?
Don Winslow, who wrote the Cartel series (read my review) researched for six years before he started writing the books. Well, Matty, six years? That’s a long time… I was thinking you were trying to tell us to not do so much research… yeah, well you’re right, it would be a bad example… except he finished the friggin’ books and they were amazing! You’re not Don Winslow! I’m not Don Winslow! We suck, remember? Just kidding.
We can’t let the research be the reason we don’t start. You can read all about what other writers write on, what great guitar players learned on, what gym did Arnold attend, what school did Elon Musk go to, when in reality, all we needed to do was start. We have got to get in the game because time is running out. And as good as research is, don’t let it be the limiting factor, which it can be, even though really, you’re just being too much of a wuss to start. You can spend years at not starting because you got caught up in research. Let’s call it what it really is for most people, fear. The work itself is hard. You’re going to get judged on it. You’re going to judge yourself. It hurts to do the actual work. To actually try. So maybe, just maybe, start the actual thing for five minutes. Put down the computer or book and just get started. You can always go back and reference it. But for now, just start. Even for just five minutes.
6. How do you compare?
This is a tough one. It’s easy to look at what someone else is doing and compare it to who you are now, and think, wow, they’re a genius, I’ll never be like that. You didn’t see the untold hours that went into them becoming who they are now. The nights spent staring up at the ceiling unable to sleep because of chest crushing anxiety. You didn’t see the tears, the failures, the loss, the fear. You just see who they are now, and you compare yourself to who they are now. This is a huge problem, and one we can’t ignore here.
I get it, it’s easy to compare, we grow up doing it. My characters do it. That person is smarter, richer, better looking, fitter, more charming, has bigger boobs, a better car… and the list can go on and on. While it’s natural it’s also idiotic, mostly because it doesn’t help you.
But, Matty, you said some names up there, you named names, compared yourself to them, and said you sucked! What gives?
I’ll tell you what gives. I don’t want to be like those guys but for in one way: I want to work as hard or harder than them. I don’t want to write a novel like King, or a screenplay like Towne, or necessarily have their money. I want just that one thing, to work as hard as them. This is the only way I want to emulate them. I want my voice to be mine. And the only way I’m going to find that voice is to do as much work as they did.
Will I ever write as many books as King? Probably not. Or write an academy award winning film like Towne? Nope. But what I will do, what I will always do, is wake up and try. I will try every fucking day until I die. Why the fuck would I want to write just like Stephen King? There’s already a Stephen King. We don’t need two. But we need a Matt Orlando, because so far there hasn’t been one, or much of one. And we need you. Your voice, your mind, your fears, your energy, your gifts. We need all of that. So don’t compare yourselves to the greats. Be like them in only one way, by putting in the fucking work.
7. Honeypots…mmmmm honey (Homer Simpson voice)
Beware: Honey Pots ahead by Jorbasa Fotografie
I’ve known of the honeypots for years, but they weren’t named that, I think I called them head turners or something way lamer. They are things that take you off the path. When I heard Joe Rogan say “Honeypot” on one of his podcasts, I was like, wow, that’s a way better term than head turners. Honeypots are the things that come along and tantalize you to step off the path towards your goals. They are a promotion, another job, a significant other, a company car, a raise, joining a group, anything that comes along to make your life easier. Easier than doing this damn goal you want to accomplish that has no guarantee of success. Hey, you’re getting a promotion, but you have to go early and stay late. There goes your YOU time. You get offered a job like as a line producer on a movie project, but you’re really trying to be a director. Ten movies later, and you’re still a line producer. No baby, we don’t spend enough time together, can’t you just put that stuff away, get a real job, make some money? Here’s a company car if you want to stay on another year. It’s new and comes with a gas card. Don’t leave, we’ll give you a raise. A big one.
Yep those honeypots sure do solve a lot of your problems don’t they. You got that car, that raise, that prestige… but what happened to your goal, your thing you wanted to do? The thing you were maybe born to do? I’ll tell you what happened to it, you traded it in for a pot of honey. Stay the fuck away from honeypots. Every day you spend looking in the other direction (head turners) your goal slips away. Every day you stick to it, no matter how small that action seems, is a giant leap to becoming who you were meant to be. Stay the fuck away from the honeypots. Refuse them, gratefully, but refuse them. But, Matty, honey tastes so good! Yup, so does rat poison to a rat.
8. People will laugh at you?
Hahahaha! Haha! Ha!
Yes.
Listen, if you do or if you don’t, they will laugh at you. They will talk shit about you if you do it or you don’t too. They are talking shit about you right now. You might as well do something that’s big enough for them to actually have something legit to talk shit on. You might as well get laughed at for doing something with yourself and not for doing nothing. People can’t help it, they all think they know what’s best for you. I do. Do something worthy of people’s disapproval. If everyone likes everything you do, there’s something really wrong with you.
I only like half the people liking my work because I probably don’t like the half that doesn’t like it anyway. That didn’t make any sense at all. How many people do you like in a room full of people? Five of them? Ten max if there’s a hundred. Not everyone is going to like you. Don’t wait to lose weight to go to the gym. Don’t wait to be a brilliant writer by reading other people’s work. Don’t learn to play the guitar by blogging about musicians. Fucking do it. And really, don’t judge your work, judge the process. Trust me, you’re worse on yourself than the people who you think are laughing at you, but who are in fact laughing at you. But they’re laughing at you all the time, you should be used to it by now.
Ask yourself too, are you talking shit on people who are fucking trying? Well, you’re probably not someone that’s trying yourself, or you wouldn’t be talking shit or laughing, because you know how hard it actually is to stick your neck out there. It’s like those dreams where you’re naked at school. Everyone can see you. Nobody wants to do that. Except for the people you admire who are creating the music, writing the books, making the movies, playing the sports, developing another startup company after their last one went bankrupt. If you do this, actually try, your life with be like that show, Naked and Afraid. Every damn day. You will be naked for the world to see. They will judge you. They will talk shit about you. And yes, they will also laugh at you. It’s okay, because you have to remember, there’s people who do, and people who don’t. Those that do wave to those who don’t as they circle the drain to Mediocrity Land where they can wave back from their septic tank they call life. Enjoy the view. You and me, we aren’t those people. We may never make it. And yet, we already have.
All that’s left is the Work
Well there they are. The demons in our dreams. I’m sure there’s more, but those are the ones who haunted me until I got sick of it and fought back. Don’t forget, we are on a freight train to the grave people, it has no brakes, and the rails lead down into a six-foot-deep hole where you will remain for a very long time. Tomorrow isn’t promised, but today, I’m gonna do the work come what may. Truth is, even if I make it financially at this game, not much will change for me. I’ll still write books, and films, and try and raise money to shoot them. Maybe I’ll fly first class and surf more. That would be nice. But other than that, I got work to do. And it doesn’t end. I don’t see an end point.
Yeah, those demons don’t seem so bad when you write them out like that. They don’t seem so tough. Even if they are, I don’t know about you, but I’m going down swinging.